Ep 36: Chatting with My Friend, Quadriplegic TikToker, Ernest Patti

Speaker A [00:00:00]:
Hi, everyone. Today I have a very fun guest. I have Ernest Patti, who is a famous tiktoker, and I am so excited to talk to him today. Welcome to the Paralysis Nutrition Podcast, where changing your eating habits is the key to losing weight, improving bowel health, and feeling your best. I’m your host, Fatima Fakhouri. I’m a registered dietitian who’s married to a quadriplegic and specializes in nutrition for paralysis. Get ready to be inspired, educated, and motivated so you can take control of your health using the power of food. Let’s get started.

Speaker A [00:00:36]:
This is the Paralysis Nutrition Podcast. Welcome, Earnest.

Speaker B [00:00:40]:
Well, thank you. Thank you so much for having me. I wouldn’t go as far as calling myself famous, but you are TikTok famous.

Speaker A [00:00:47]:
You are TikTok famous. And that is actually so fun for me because I feel like a lot of the content that I consume in the disability space, it’s not. It’s not like yours. It’s not like yours. It’s not funny. First of all, it’s like, I mean, we could get into what you think about the space, but I have to say, you know, the algorithm knows what I like and what my business is about, so I get shown things just like everyone else based on my interests. And I can’t remember the first TikTok I ever saw. I can’t remember.

Speaker A [00:01:28]:
But I have to say, I always laugh when I see you and your main man. You can tell us about him. He is your caregiver, right?

Speaker B [00:01:40]:
Yes, yes, yes, he is.

Speaker A [00:01:41]:
And I just. I love that so much because it’s not something I’ve ever, ever seen on social media. So, Ernest, before we get into it, because I feel like I already know you, but the listeners may not know you. So what is your name on TikTok?

Speaker B [00:02:00]:
So my name is Hot Dog Cart with two T’s at the end. Quite embarrassing name. When I was first creating the account, I was anti TikTok for a very long time. Just like, I was like, I don’t need another social media app, you know, whatever. And now that I’m in this, you know, unique position, I was like, I’m kind of bored. Like, might as well make one, see where it goes. And anyway, so I texted a group chat of a bunch of my old high school friends, and they were like, oh, there’s another girl that. Her name is, you know, taco Truck.

Speaker B [00:02:33]:
And they were like, they were like, make it similar. Like, you know, she’s famous. Like, you know, get. Try to get her to notice you, whatever And I was like, okay, what do you like? What suggestions do you have? And the first one, and that is.

Speaker A [00:02:46]:
How the hot dog cart with two T’s came to be. So you started your TikTok after your injury?

Speaker B [00:02:52]:
Yes, I started it, I want to say almost like a year and a couple months after my injury.

Speaker A [00:03:01]:
Yeah.

Speaker B [00:03:01]:
And it was kind of just like on a whim, like during my Christmas break from school. I was like, why not? Like, I’m not doing anything and might as well just start posting and. Yeah.

Speaker A [00:03:13]:
And you. Yes. Quick background. Ernest, you are a C. C6.

Speaker B [00:03:19]:
C5. C6. I vary. Like, my left and right sides are different, but okay. Pretty much, yeah. Classified as C6. Yeah.

Speaker A [00:03:27]:
Yeah. So is my husband C67, but he is 20 years post injury. And you’re pretty new.

Speaker B [00:03:35]:
I’m. Yeah, I’m two and a half, two and seven. Something like that. Yeah.

Speaker A [00:03:39]:
Yeah. For me, you know, I have clients who’ve been injured for 30 years. You know, two years to me is like brand. Brand new.

Speaker B [00:03:50]:
Yeah. Figuring it out.

Speaker A [00:03:53]:
Yeah. So a year after injury, you were kind of bored and you said, I’m going to start a TikTok. Now, when you did that, did you have any ideas? Like, I’m going to show this or that, like, my social media, it’s a business. Right. So it’s like, here, I’m a dietitian and I can teach you things and inspire you, but your TikTok is like a personal thing. And whether or not you recognize it, you do have a brand. Like, it is a brand. Everything is a brand.

Speaker A [00:04:21]:
Right. Like your brand is not a business today, but you never know. Right. And so the first video or one of the first videos I saw was something with you. And what is your caregiver’s name? He’s so hilarious. I always forget.

Speaker B [00:04:36]:
His name is Warren.

Speaker A [00:04:37]:
Warren. Warren, yes. I knew it was like a. Like a rapper’s name. So it was like Warren. Warren G. For those. For those of us who are old, you know, and we know Warren G.

Speaker A [00:04:48]:
So I think it’s so awesome that you show the good and the bad. You know what I mean? Like, there’s a lot of. And I’m really interested to hear your perspective on this because my husband and I were discussing it. We were on vacation last week, and he was like, don’t tell them about this, don’t tell them about that. And I’m like, but if you don’t really don’t want me to, I won’t. But don’t you think that’s Helpful and like, not completely full of it to share the whole story. Now you don’t have to share every bad thing that happens to you. Right.

Speaker A [00:05:22]:
Privacy is important, but like, we really loved our resort. But I’ll be honest, it wasn’t like an actual wheelchair accessible room as advertised. And so we talked about that and I have to tell you, so many people reached out to me because they were like, oh, good to know. So in that kind of same way I see you sharing things, like, well, this is part of it, you know, this is how it’s going today. And then other times, you know, you and Warren are just like driving and having fun and being, you know.

Speaker B [00:05:55]:
Yeah.

Speaker A [00:05:55]:
Funny. And it’s just. Yeah, it’s just like your life. How have people responded to you? Because I have to say, you’re one of the few people that I have seen who’s young, does not promote or sell anything, as far as I know. But you’re one of the very few disabled content creators that’s just doing it because you want to do it. Not just promoting a product, selling, you know, something new you’re not monetizing. So. So why do you do it? Because it’s fun.

Speaker B [00:06:31]:
Yeah. Honestly, like, I. Well, let’s just tell you how I got in. So I was bored when I first made the TikTok. So I was like, you know, just here’s my account, whatever. And like my first video was like a joke video with my sister, like, you know, nothing serious. And it got like, you know, like a thousand, two thousand views or something. And then my second video was one that really popped off.

Speaker B [00:06:53]:
It was just like me in front of the camera in my power chair. And I was like, hey, look, my name’s Ernie. Whatever. I broke my neck X amount of years ago, whenever that was. And I was like, I’ll just be posting fun content, whatever. And it was probably at like 6 or 7. I made that video and then put the phone down, was watching TV or something and my Apple watch just kept going off, like, you know, just flashing the whole time. And I was like, what is going on? So then I opened the app and like, you know, here’s my video with like 60,000 views in like an hour.

Speaker B [00:07:29]:
And then like it just kept going and going and I was like, oh, wow. Like people actually like responded to this content. So I was like, okay, like, cool. And then I was just trying to figure out like, which what avenue I wanted to take. So then every time that there was a new trend that happened, like, it was like, you know, Playing a certain song. I’m like, how can I adapt this to make a funny wheelchair joke that people are going to look at and be like, oh, okay, that’s funny. Yeah.

Speaker A [00:07:58]:
And different and different from, like, the trend because you’ll see a bunch of, like, I don’t know, people doing the same exact thing over and over again. It’s just different people. So that you were doing your own twist on it. Yeah.

Speaker B [00:08:12]:
And so basically, like, that was just my thing. Like, how can I change? You know, how can I make jokes about the wheelchair? Because it’s like, I’m comfortable in my own self. Like, let me see if I can help others that are in my situation sort of relate to this content and then, you know, be able to laugh and be like, oh, okay, like, this is cool. Like, you know.

Speaker A [00:08:37]:
Yeah. So do you get a lot of other young guys reaching out to you?

Speaker B [00:08:42]:
I have, and I try to. I tried to respond to pretty much everyone, but, like, when it was first happening, I would post, you know, like, random videos. I’d be like, oh, like, this is me eating with my hands or whatever.

Speaker A [00:08:56]:
Yeah.

Speaker B [00:08:56]:
And people would respond and then be like, hey, like, my, you know, friend from high school, like, just got into an accident, or, oh, you know, my boyfriend’s been hurt for three years, or, oh, like, this happened to my father. Whatever. And, you know, people just started responding to this content. I’m like, all right, like, let me see if I can. I’ll answer some dms. Like, you know, like, if people needed help or whatnot, like, I would just try to point them in the right direction and, you know, just basically made videos about my life to then show people that, like, hey, it’s cool to be disabled, like, you can still go out on.

Speaker A [00:09:30]:
And, like, it’s like, normalizing.

Speaker B [00:09:34]:
Normalizing.

Speaker A [00:09:34]:
Like, you go to college, you’re in your dorm.

Speaker B [00:09:37]:
Yeah, I’m literally my dorm currently in your dorm.

Speaker A [00:09:39]:
Yes. And so, like, I can’t think of. Actually, no. I do have a couple of clients who, like, live on campus, you know, but that’s because they reached out to me, and I know them and they’ve, you know, and I follow them and stuff. But if I hadn’t had that, you know, relationship, I wouldn’t see, you know, young people in their wheelchairs at college. Like, I would never see that. You almost have to seek it out, you know, and there’s not a lot of people doing that. You know, if you think about the sheer amount of content that is published every single day on these apps, how much of it is by disabled creators.

Speaker A [00:10:25]:
Not a lot. You know, meanwhile, I think it’s like 25% of the world has some sort of disability. And so that’s crazy, you know, that’s crazy. That’s not seen like 25% of content on social media is not created by a disabled person. Right. So it’s very uneven, you know. And so when you were posting your videos and people were kind of reaching out to you, did you feel like that was kind of overwhelming at times because your videos, some of them have a lot of views?

Speaker B [00:11:03]:
No, it was, it was a lot and I was not expecting any of it to happen like at all. And like I wasn’t like, oh, I just need to post a video. Like I need to just keep growing, keep growing. I was just like, I’m just going to post and you know, see what happens.

Speaker A [00:11:16]:
And you don’t have a motive?

Speaker B [00:11:18]:
No, not really. And I mean I started it when I was, how I was 20, I think, I think I had just turned 20 and I just was like, you know, I had people from, you know, 7 year old to 21 year olds just constantly pinging my phone like, hey, like, you know, like what is going on? Like, you know, I work with this, you know, organization or my brother has a disability, whatever, and you know, I’m not, I was never used to that before. So yeah, having you know, people from around the world like reach out to me was, you know, it was overwhelming. Yes. But like at the same time I was like, oh like this is cool. Like if I can help you, you know, why not?

Speaker A [00:11:59]:
Well that’s your community, right? That’s like your, your place on the, on the Internet. So that’s really fun. Now what you said was, which you know, was interesting to me and I think so, so important where you said like I’m comfortable with myself like you are. And that is very, very apparent to me. Like you are really comfortable in your chair. And you said you use a power chair.

Speaker B [00:12:26]:
I use both actually. I use both. And a power chair I’m not so like I’ll really get into it. But like when I first got hurt, like the whole you’re not going to be able to walk for a while didn’t really hit until like I would say like the six or the seven month mark. And I like, you know, I was in the hospital, I cried maybe like once with my family, I was like, this sucks. Right? And then I like didn’t think, you know, think of that, whatever because they’re like, anything can happen from like six months to a year, you know.

Speaker A [00:12:58]:
Yeah. The spinal shock and all that, the whole speech.

Speaker B [00:13:01]:
Yeah. And I’m like, okay, cool. Like we’ll see what happens. And you know, can’t really remember details but like I just broke down one day like I came home from physical therapy, body was tired, mind was shot and I was like, mind, like this is going to like you’re in it for the long haul. And I’ve been have to say that my psychologist that I see pretty regularly has literally saved my life.

Speaker A [00:13:26]:
Say it again.

Speaker B [00:13:28]:
Yeah.

Speaker A [00:13:29]:
We love a man who goes to therapy.

Speaker B [00:13:31]:
Yeah. No, would not be here without, without him. So I owe that to him and as well like my caretakers, my family, my friends, like they are the best kind of people and I’m very fortunate to have just connected with them in this way that I’m, I’m still technically me, you know.

Speaker A [00:13:53]:
Yeah.

Speaker B [00:13:54]:
And I’ve been able to preserve sort of like my, my pre injury personality to then, to then my post person. So. Yeah, it’s. It’s been kind of a crazy, crazy thing. Yeah.

Speaker A [00:14:05]:
Yeah. So you were in rehab and then you. Did you go home?

Speaker B [00:14:11]:
No, so I stayed. So I’m originally from New York, moved down to Florida for college for my, you know, freshman year and I didn’t make it two weeks before I broke my neck. Yeah. And so we kind of like didn’t know what to do. Um, from the time that I was hurt, which was like late August to then October, we were in, I was in the hospital rehab, you know, the whole time.

Speaker A [00:14:37]:
Were you in Florida for that?

Speaker B [00:14:39]:
Yeah, Miami. And when it came time to, you know, leave the rehab because they don’t let you stay in rehab for, you know, more than a month really. We had to fight for a second. Yeah, it was really bad.

Speaker A [00:14:53]:
It’s gotten so much worse, I have to tell you because when my husband hurt himself, now that was 20 years ago. I mean, I didn’t know him, but I know the. I know the rehab was like three months.

Speaker B [00:15:07]:
Yeah.

Speaker A [00:15:08]:
And the process like from. And he was also a student, a graduate student when he, I mean ironically he was in school for chiropractic and I know. And was going to go to medical school and then had a, had a car wreck. So when he was injured, the time from like being injured to being released from like a facility was like five months because there’s the hospital, then there’s like acute rehab and then there’s like another rehab. So you literally became a C5, six and a month later they were like.

Speaker B [00:15:45]:
Well, yeah, so I got hurt in on August 22 and then was taken. I was at the beach, I hit a sandbar and broke my neck that way. And then was taken like immediately to the hospital and then went into surgery like in under two hours. Um, and then from that point on, which probably was like August 23rd, I was in the ICU for about a week. Uh, like the step down ICU for another week. Ish. And then I made it to rehab like September 4th. And then they, on the, like the TV monitor screen, whatever you want to call it, it said like my discharge date was like September 30th.

Speaker B [00:16:27]:
And they were like, yeah, they’re going to. They’re like, yep. And we’re going to, we’re going to do everything in that month. And I was like, that doesn’t sound right. I was like, we don’t even live down here. Like, we don’t even know how I’m going to get home. We can’t make home reservation renovation, renovations that quickly. Like, what do you expect?

Speaker A [00:16:47]:
Crazy.

Speaker B [00:16:48]:
What are we going to do? And so we beat my. So I have my grandparents down here. So my parents both came down when they heard I was hurt. They were sleeping on my grandparents couch. And then at some point, one of my uncles has a family friend. They lent us their apartment for a month and a half.

Speaker A [00:17:07]:
Wow.

Speaker B [00:17:07]:
And then we ended up renting a place for a couple months and then moved into another place. And then from that place just recently, we, we just bought an apartment down here.

Speaker A [00:17:22]:
Nice. Okay.

Speaker B [00:17:23]:
Yeah. So anyway, they really wanted to kick us out and it was a super short stay in the hospital. Yeah.

Speaker A [00:17:31]:
That’s crazy. So now with all of that, you weren’t in school at that time?

Speaker B [00:17:37]:
No. So I had withdrew, dropped out, whatever you want to call it. And then it was sort of like the summer time and my parents were like, well, would you want to go back to school? And I was like, I mean like, I guess, yeah, we can balance everything with physical therapy and you know, doctor’s appointments. Like, you know, why not? I’ll give it a shot. And so that was. I started, you know, August, September of 21 and I’ve been back ever since.

Speaker A [00:18:05]:
Nice. So now you are a sophomore, a junior.

Speaker B [00:18:09]:
What are you I after? It’s so weird because I’m not taking a full course load. Like I’m not taking credits a semester. So I’m, I’ve technically finished. I’m. I’m a sophomore. Yeah, I’ve finished my first year. Yeah.

Speaker A [00:18:23]:
All right. What’s your major.

Speaker B [00:18:24]:
So I actually, I was exercise physiology. What I wanted to do was, like, work with athletes and everything. Yeah. Funny how that. How that works.

Speaker A [00:18:32]:
Yeah.

Speaker B [00:18:32]:
And then, and then I pivoted once I started doing social media and, you know, meeting people in the space and in Miami, you know, then I’m like, okay, like, you know, I’ll explore the, you know, the digital space. I’m an electronic media major with a minor, Strategic communications.

Speaker A [00:18:48]:
Yeah, I like it.

Speaker B [00:18:51]:
Yeah.

Speaker A [00:18:52]:
And you are, you are very. You’re very easy to watch. You are. You’re, like, easy to watch. You know, I mean, I think it’s funny, like, what resonates with people, like, for me, I just think it’s nice to see young people, any young person, like, just living their life, right? Not being. And, you know, this goes across the board. Not just disabled, but everybody when they show up on social media and it’s like real curated, you know, perfect hair, full face of makeup, like an outfit. And it’s just.

Speaker B [00:19:31]:
So, yeah, I’m wearing a T shirt, insurance right now. I look like a mess. Yeah. And I post. Yeah, I’ll literally post like, you know, in a bathrobe or something. Like, I don’t care.

Speaker A [00:19:43]:
And I, and I. And funny enough, you and I have that in common because I have so many dietitian colleagues who also. They show up on social media every day, but they treat it, like, very differently than I do. So, you know, I have an office in my house, but I don’t have, like my degrees up on the wall. I have like. I mean, they’re like on the floor. They’re going to. They’re framed, but I just feel like it’s like a little ridiculous.

Speaker A [00:20:11]:
I don’t want them up on the wall. Like, that’s a little. I don’t know. I got a neon sign.

Speaker B [00:20:16]:
There you go.

Speaker A [00:20:16]:
I’m going to put that up. But I find it’s more comfortable for me to just be like, yeah, I’m. I’m working, I’m in my house. Like, this is what I’m eating. I’m wearing sweats. Like, it’s fine. And I think it’s more. It’s just more relatable.

Speaker B [00:20:37]:
Yeah. No, seriously, I’m, you know, and that’s the thing. Like, people don’t understand that there’s like, you know, like a whole. Like this disability doesn’t affect you until you, you know, it happens to you. Somebody, you know, or, you know, something like that. And basically, like, what I’m doing is I’m just trying to highlight the good, the bad and the ugly and basically just like, show you. Like, yeah, this is what I deal with. Like, you can watch if you want.

Speaker A [00:21:01]:
Right, right, right, exactly. And just to take up some space, you know, just to be like, it’s not like a hidden thing, you know, I’m not pretending to be this or that, you know, And I think, like I was saying with anyone on social media, like influencers, for example, I would not put you in that category, and that’s a compliment. But, you know, a lot of these influencers that are disabled, they don’t show up like you do. Like, it’s just not as authentic. It’s like the difference between me in my office talking about vitamins versus, like, me dressed up in, like, a, you know, a suit or whatever, like in. In an office talking down to you, you know, like, I’m some sort of, like, professional. And I think that that’s actually an interesting thing for us to talk about is because I, you know, like you, I talk to a lot of people who are disabled. Like, whether it’s DM or it’s like, my clients or it’s like, anything, right? So it’s people I know, people I don’t know, stuff like that.

Speaker A [00:22:14]:
And one thing that I think is kind of a slippery slope is, like, it’s good to be aspirational, right? Like, I think that you’re very aspirational. Like, even if you’re not doing it on purpose, it’s like, look at me, I’m in my chair. I’m going to college. I’m. I saw you on vacation, you know, like, doing stuff. I don’t know if you’re on spring break, but doing stuff. And so if someone were recently injured, or let’s say someone’s been injured for 10 years, okay. But they’ve never taken a trip when they see you.

Speaker A [00:22:48]:
That’s aspirational. Like, oh, he uses a power chair. Because that’s like, a whole thing that I hear is like, oh, your husband uses a manual. I use a power.

Speaker B [00:22:58]:
Yeah.

Speaker A [00:22:59]:
Okay. So it’s going to be hard for me to answer your question because I don’t have that experience. Like, I got so many questions because my husband, when we. We recently went to Mexico, and when you have to exit the airplane, it stairs. And so, yeah, and we knew that because when you go. When you travel international, that’s usually how it is when you travel international. So they’re not like pulling into a gate. You are exiting from the stairs.

Speaker A [00:23:31]:
And so, yeah, he was carried down in the aisle chair. Okay, so they carried him down the aisle. The amount of questions I got about that, like, what if you have a power chair? What if you’re £300? What if this, what if that? And I was like, okay, so I cannot answer for those things because I just don’t know the answer. I could maybe help you out, but only by sharing my experience. Like, I don’t know. And so that’s a big thing. Like, people are scared of traveling with a power chair because they break. And manual wheelchairs break too.

Speaker A [00:24:08]:
We have had really, really good luck. But, you know, by sharing your experience, you know, the point in me sharing the travel stuff was one, because I kind of just share in general. Like, I live on social media, so it would be weird for me to be away and not share. But the other thing is because I want people to kind of see regular family, you know, like a regular family. Because a lot of what you see on social media and people who have large followings in this community is really, it’s like, very professional. You know, it’s very glossy, it’s very curated. And I mean, you know, I have a photo shoot in a month because I need new pictures. I haven’t done pictures in two years, so it’s like, we’re going to do pictures because I need some pictures.

Speaker A [00:25:05]:
But I would. I would hope that those look totally different than, like, how I show up on a regular basis. And so I think it’s important to have, you know, just like, any. Any other thing. Variety. Right? Like, if you want to see, I don’t know, a wheelchair fitness influencer, there should be many of them. Like some that are super duper. Like, you know, they have those highly produced pieces of content that look really, really cool.

Speaker A [00:25:36]:
And then you should have people who are like, hi, I’m going to the gym. Let me show you what I’m doing.

Speaker B [00:25:40]:
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker A [00:25:40]:
Yeah. You should be able to choose because there’s not enough content created by disabled creators for us to even say, I like this one, but I don’t like that one. It’s like they’re few and far between. So you just follow everyone because.

Speaker B [00:25:57]:
Exactly.

Speaker A [00:25:57]:
You know, there’s not that many. So you just want to. I don’t know, I feel like I follow everybody because I’m just like, yeah, interested.

Speaker B [00:26:05]:
Yeah, no, that’s my thing. It’s like, I want to get more people, you know, into this space because, one, there’s money to be made.

Speaker A [00:26:14]:
There is, there is. And you can do it from anywhere.

Speaker B [00:26:17]:
And there’s you know, opportunities for growth and for brands to be like, hey, like, I like what you’re doing. And I have been approached by a couple of brands being like, hey, like, we want to do some sort of partnership.

Speaker A [00:26:29]:
And that’s amazing. And if it’s. If it’s aligned with you, like, that’s awesome. I see people all the time, like, sponsored by Coloplast. And it’s just like, yeah, that’s a brand that, you know, has money to spend and you should be getting some.

Speaker B [00:26:46]:
Yeah, exactly. No, and it’s even. It’s even, like, I want to break into the mold. Like, sort of like, what happened with skims, like, where they put out these. You know, they’re showing that they’re including people with disabilities in wheelchairs, whatnot. And it’s like, hey, like, that can also be you. There’s opportunities for that. And it’s like, you know, like, I’m just trying to basically show that, like, hey, like, companies should be more responsive.

Speaker B [00:27:13]:
But then there’s also companies out there that want to be involved, but they don’t know how to go about it the right way.

Speaker A [00:27:21]:
Right. And I think there’s a lot of companies that just straight up do not think that there’s a market.

Speaker B [00:27:26]:
Exactly.

Speaker A [00:27:27]:
Like, if you’re obviously someone like Coloplast. Okay, those are for people with neurogenic blood. Okay, fine. So that’s a company that is obviously going to be in the space. But what about, like, Toyota? Like, they make those really fancy Toyota Siennas that, you know, you can drive in your wheelchair. It’s like, I haven’t actually seen anything like that. I mean, maybe. And maybe I haven’t seen it, and it’s out there, but I’m just saying I live on the Internet or I live on social media, and I follow a lot of things, and I just don’t see regular brands that are not designed for the community.

Speaker A [00:28:10]:
Right. Getting into it, but. But I guess it is now becoming more of a thing. And I have to say, too, like, I always get so excited when I see that. And then if I post it, like, oh, wow. Oh, my God. I’ll never forget Old. No, not old.

Speaker A [00:28:23]:
Not Old Navy. Old Navy also does have wheelchair models and stuff, but who was it? Target. Okay. You know, we love Target around here. So Target came out with wheelchair costumes.

Speaker B [00:28:37]:
Interesting.

Speaker A [00:28:38]:
And it started with kids, like, Halloween costumes for children who use wheelchairs. And this was, like, a few years ago. And I remember seeing it and thinking, oh, my God, I never would have thought, like, hey, if you have a child who uses a wheelchair, and obviously they’re a kid. They want to dress up for Halloween. You’d have to, like, really fashion something. I mean, I guess you could just dress them in whatever and put them. But it’s like, it was really cool. They had, like, Cinderella and, like, that big pumpkin.

Speaker A [00:29:10]:
What is it? God, I’m like, the worst girly girl. What is that thing?

Speaker B [00:29:14]:
I’m not going to remember the carriage.

Speaker A [00:29:16]:
The big magic bippity boppity boo. The big cat. And so somehow that was, like, around her on the wheelchair. It was so cute. And then. And I remember seeing that and thinking, oh, wow. And how ridiculous that this didn’t exist before. Right? And then I think a year or two ago, they came out with family costumes because that’s like a thing, you know, like your family dresses as a thing.

Speaker A [00:29:42]:
We. We have not done it, but, like, my kids have matched costumes, like when they were little. Now they don’t want to do that. They want to, like, be their own thing. But I think we missed the opportunity for the family costume. But it was so cute. They had, like, the Incredibles.

Speaker B [00:29:57]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker A [00:29:58]:
Oh, my God. And like, the dad. I think it was like, the dad. And it was like a wheelchair costume or something like that. It was really cool. And I shared it on social media, saying, oh, my God, this is so cool. This is so needed. Like, I wish this had been out a couple years ago.

Speaker A [00:30:16]:
Not that my husband would ever dress up as Mr. Incredible, but, you know, when I posted it, people were like, kind of pooh, poohing it. And I couldn’t understand why, because I. And I said this like, a few days ago, actually, and a lot of people agreed with me, although not everyone did, such as the Internet, of course. But I said, you know, someone asked me, you know, because we were on vacation, did you feel that, like, your trip was. Was completely wheelchair accessible with no hurdles? I should know. That was the question. And I was like, no, no, I did not.

Speaker A [00:30:57]:
It was not. What do you mean, no hurdles? If there’s a crack in the sidewalk, that’s a hurdle. Like, for us, literally, that’s a hurdle. So I thought it was a little bit of a silly question, but I also realized that, like, huh? Ray and I don’t ever expect anything to be accessible.

Speaker B [00:31:15]:
Yeah, no, no, no, no, I don’t.

Speaker A [00:31:18]:
And it’s so weird because that’s actually messed up. Like, we should expect things to be accessible.

Speaker B [00:31:26]:
I mean, you would, you would, but we don’t. Yeah. And I think it’s it’s really just like, it’s something that just doesn’t happen because it’s. I mean, and like, I get that people in wheelchairs, people with disabilities, I don’t know the numbers. I’m not an expert, but I’m saying it. We’re a small population out of, you know, the 300 something million people that live in the US and so it’s like we’re pretty much, like, always second, which is, you know, I mean, frustrating. But I think people nowadays are doing, like, a really good job of.

Speaker A [00:32:00]:
It’s starting to.

Speaker B [00:32:02]:
Yeah. And, like, even when I went home, my parents were. We were thinking about taking a trip to the city and, you know, and having a night out. And we were like, okay, like, how do we get to the restaurant? Like, are we gonna have to. Are we going to have to take, you know, are we going to have to rent a van? Drive all the way there, you know, park? Where do we park? What do we do? And, you know, we ultimately made it up, you know, made it work. And we get to the restaurant, and since I don’t have any hand function, I had left my fork, my silverware at home. But the owner was a guy in a wheelchair, and he was like, I have adaptive cutlery.

Speaker A [00:32:41]:
Oh, I know where you went. Yeah, you went to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker B [00:32:45]:
And he was like, I have adaptive cutlery. Like, no problem. And it was. It, you know, worked out perfectly.

Speaker A [00:32:52]:
Amazing.

Speaker B [00:32:52]:
And I mean, like.

Speaker A [00:32:53]:
Yeah. So we still have to go there. We haven’t gone there. My husband hates the city, which is hilarious because I lived there for most of my life. Yeah. And so we’ll go. I’ll take the kids down without him. He hates it.

Speaker A [00:33:04]:
He doesn’t want to drive there. We always drive down. I park in the garage. Like, I take the hit for the expensive, you know, parking. And, like, I take the kids. It’s very orchestrated. Like, we’re going here and then we’re going here, and then we’re going here and then we’re going home. Like, there’s no walking around, hanging out.

Speaker A [00:33:21]:
No, no, no. It’s like, it has to be. They’re really little still, you know, but for my husband, he’s just like, yeah, I do not care to go. Because the sidewalks are sideways. Like, they are literally, you know, like, it’s. And I can actually imagine how in a power chair it would be, dare I say, easier than in a manual, because, like, you literally feel like you’re on a roller coaster. You don’t realize these Things until your husband is tilted sideways on the sidewalk and you’re like, oh, this was a horrible idea for us to go here.

Speaker B [00:33:52]:
And I mean, it’s like even. Not just even New York, I mean, everywhere. The sidewalks are horrible.

Speaker A [00:33:59]:
Like, I. I will say Manhattan is especially. I love it. It’s New York or nowhere for me. But it is the worst for wheelchairs because we’ve been in other c. And it’s a lot better.

Speaker B [00:34:10]:
But I would say that Miami is really pretty much accessible. It’s flat, you know, there’s no mountains, no hills, and super easy for me to get around. But I mean, even then, I’m still dealing with, you know, sidewalks that are sideways and then literally sideways.

Speaker A [00:34:27]:
Like as you. Your whole body is sideways. No one will know what we’re talking about until it’s happened to them.

Speaker B [00:34:34]:
Yes. And like, no curb cutouts or like, even, like, I went to a restaurant and they were like, yes, we, you know, we were accessible. And there’s like an 8 inch stone step, like right outside.

Speaker A [00:34:46]:
Just expect it.

Speaker B [00:34:47]:
And you know, when you’re in a power chair, you and your three buddies are not lifting up that chair.

Speaker A [00:34:54]:
No. Oh. And you know what? That’s a big, big difference between a power chair and a manual. And I’m actually glad that you brought that up because a lot of. I mean, I don’t know what it is, like, what level it is that people tend to be in a power or be in a. In a manual. Like C5. Six could go either way.

Speaker A [00:35:18]:
Six, seven could go either way. Higher than five, usually. No. You know, so. But everybody’s different. Everybody’s different. Like, if you had a really, really, really incomplete injury, like, you could even be a walking quad. Like I have seen, you know, like it’s.

Speaker A [00:35:35]:
And I didn’t even know that that existed until I had a client who was like a C6, 7 and. And walked. I was like, I think you’re mistaken. So it’s interesting because I, you know, you’re so. How old are you? 21. 22.

Speaker B [00:35:52]:
I just turned 21 in November.

Speaker A [00:35:55]:
Okay. So my husband is 45 and was injured at 23, 24. And so the first. Actually we were recently talking about this and I’m going to try to get him on the podcast. We were talking about the first 10 and the second 10.

Speaker B [00:36:12]:
Oh, yeah.

Speaker A [00:36:13]:
And so because it’s been 20. Right. So the first 10 were vastly different than the second 10. And I met my husband right in the fall of his 10th year. And yeah, it’s been pretty Shit, Ernest. The past couple of years, but. But it’s been pretty shit. Like, 18, 17, 18.

Speaker A [00:36:36]:
Like, they were pretty shit. Now. There was a lot of things going on. COVID Pandemic. We had kids, you know, it was, like, a lot of stuff. But in those first, like, couple of years, I think that the amount of, like, growth really varies, because I have to tell you, I mean, it’s a different time, right? Like, he was injured in, like, 2000 something, you know, in, like, the early, early 2000s. So that was a long time ago. You never saw wheelchair users on tv.

Speaker A [00:37:11]:
Now it’s like you turn on Sex and the City and, like, Ali Stroker is on it, you know, in her wheelchair. And so it’s a totally different world. And when you had said, like, I’m comfortable, I just think that it is. I know I’m not supposed to be like, oh, it’s so impressive, and, you know, whatever, but yes, it is. It’s impressive to me that you are comfortable. Not just, like, living your life in the wheelchair, but, like, being on TikTok with, like, hundreds of thousands. I don’t even know how many followers.

Speaker B [00:37:42]:
We have, but I’m losing followers. By the day. I’m probably at, like, 73,000.

Speaker A [00:37:46]:
What? What? What did you do? Did you make them mad? What’d you do?

Speaker B [00:37:49]:
Do you post something political? No, to be honest. And, like, that’s also something, too. Like, I just take, like, breaks all the time. Like, I’ll be in the midst.

Speaker A [00:37:57]:
No, that’s good.

Speaker B [00:37:59]:
Yeah, that’s good. That’s class. Class gets. You know, classes get hard and.

Speaker A [00:38:03]:
Oh, yeah, of course.

Speaker B [00:38:04]:
That’s your priority.

Speaker A [00:38:05]:
Yeah, yeah, that’s your priority. But, like, you’re very comfortable, and it doesn’t. I’m not going to name names, but I’m thinking of some accounts where they’re men. They’re not as young as you, but they’re probably, like, in their late 20s, 30s, and they’re trying really, really hard to look really, really good on social media, and they’re wheelchair users, and I think that that’s needed. I do. I think that any disabled creator ever needs to be seen, right? And we need different types, but they don’t look like regular guys, and they’re not trying to look like regular guys. Right? Like, they’re trying to be maybe extra aspirational, maybe motivational. Like, I don’t actually know, but I know that.

Speaker A [00:38:51]:
I. Like, it’s not just the ladies with the hair and the makeup and the stuff. It’s like, there’s Men too, that are. And there’s nothing wrong with it. I just want to say that there’s nothing wrong with it, but I don’t really like consuming that kind of content. I look at it, I like it, it’s there. I’m always going to support any, anything, but I don’t really find it to be entertaining. And I think what’s so important is like for anyone who’s going to be on social media, I don’t care if you’re a business, I don’t care if you’re just whatever.

Speaker A [00:39:24]:
Why do people go on social media to be entertained.

Speaker B [00:39:27]:
Yeah, Yeah.

Speaker A [00:39:29]:
I don’t go on social media to feel bad about myself, you know, and so I think that when you and like I said, you and I talk to a lot of people, right, who are disabled all the time. I get a lot of like, it wouldn’t work for me because so and so just like devotes their whole life to looking good because there’s a lot of, there’s so much body image stuff, you know, in the community and like looking a certain way and like, if I had a dollar for every person who was like, how do I get rid of my belly? Like, I, you know, I wouldn’t be here right now.

Speaker B [00:40:05]:
I’m, I’m literally in the same boat.

Speaker A [00:40:08]:
Yeah. And so it’s like, huh. So I hear from people who are inspired by these really curated, professional looking disabled influencers. They are inspired, but they’re also really.

Speaker B [00:40:24]:
Like, some of it’s like, yeah, like not even, like it’s not even realistic.

Speaker A [00:40:28]:
It’s not possible.

Speaker B [00:40:30]:
Yeah, it feels.

Speaker A [00:40:32]:
And you know what’s interesting too is like, but I’m. But they’re telling you exactly what they do, right? Like they’re showing you. This is what I do at the gym. This is what I do. And I have to say, a lot of these more shiny influencers, they’re paraplegic.

Speaker B [00:40:46]:
Yes. Yeah.

Speaker A [00:40:47]:
And that is a whole. You can talk about that. I can’t get mad at me.

Speaker B [00:40:52]:
No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker A [00:40:53]:
True, it’s true. It’s like there’s a hierarchy in like the level of injury and who is an influencer and who gets brand deals and who has a lot more followers. Like the majority are paraplegics. And I don’t know, you know, I haven’t done a breakdown of like my clients. How many are paras? How many are like, I don’t actually know. I think it might be split. It really might be split. Which is interesting because there’s a lot More paraplegics in this world than there are quadriplegics.

Speaker A [00:41:23]:
But a lot of quads feel really discouraged because most of the influencers in the disability space are paraplegic.

Speaker B [00:41:33]:
Yeah.

Speaker A [00:41:34]:
And they’re just like, it wouldn’t. I can’t do that. Wouldn’t work for me. I mean, even my husband, if I show him something cool, I showed him a. So we’re in like a whole car situation in that he likes to drive a regular car and so like with hand controls and. Listen, I get it. Boys and their toys. Like, the car is a big deal.

Speaker A [00:41:53]:
It’s one of the few pieces of swag, you know, that you can have. I’ll believe I’ve been married.

Speaker B [00:41:59]:
Oh, come on. The wheelchair is swag too. Don’t. Don’t minimize that.

Speaker A [00:42:02]:
We have a really, really fancy one. Okay, I get it now. To me, that’s swag, but to him it’s not. And so transferring in and out of the car. What? Like I said the first 10 and the second 10, it’s. It’s. I don’t want to say night and day, but it’s afternoon and sunset. Okay, so it’s different.

Speaker A [00:42:20]:
And so it’s become a pain in the ass at this point. And so I’ve been looking at like the cool adaptive cars and I showed him this. I mean, not that he would. He’s really. He’s not a pickup truck guy, but I said they could do this to another type of car, you know, probably. To which he immediately said, no, they can’t. Like, that’s why they use pickups, is because they can do this. But literally the second I showed it to him without even looking at the car, he was like, that guy’s a para.

Speaker B [00:42:48]:
Yeah, no, no, I’m the. I am the same way. Like, my friends will either friends, family, whatnot, they’ll be like, oh, I saw, you know, hey, like, I saw somebody in a wheelchair on TV doing this or whatnot. And then I’m like, oh, okay. Like, cool. Like, you know, can you send it to me? And they’ll send it to me and I’ll be like, para instantly.

Speaker A [00:43:06]:
Yeah. And then you just completely, like, lose interest.

Speaker B [00:43:10]:
Sort of. Sort of.

Speaker A [00:43:12]:
So true.

Speaker B [00:43:13]:
Though the reason why is because it’s like, you know, TV companies and brands and whatnot. It’s because they’re not ready to look at somebody that has super thin, super thin arms, a little bit of a gut, and, you know, a different looking wheelchair. And because it’s like, it’s almost like people like they’re thinking that it’s almost too much. And now this is my own, like, you know, philosophy. And like the way I think when I see stuff, you know, like, this is just coming from me. Like that.

Speaker A [00:43:41]:
Yeah, tell us.

Speaker B [00:43:42]:
That is what I.

Speaker A [00:43:43]:
We need to have these conversations.

Speaker B [00:43:45]:
Exactly. And it’s, it’s almost. It like, it’s kind of annoying because it’s like, hey, like, yeah, you could use a para. But then there’s like countless other, like, very good looking, you know, quadriplegics. And it’s like, I know I’m married.

Speaker A [00:43:59]:
To one and I’m talking to one, but they’re never there. But you never see them. You really don’t. And I have to say too, the few times that I have seen like quads in ads, I don’t know, they don’t really look like quads. There’s like something. I don’t know, I don’t know.

Speaker B [00:44:25]:
It’s like you’re like, his shirt is buttoned the right way.

Speaker A [00:44:29]:
That can’t possibly be right. That can’t possibly be. And my husband will swear that he can. He can just by looking someone, he can tell you. And I feel like that’s so wrong. Like you shouldn’t even say because, you know, everybody’s different and.

Speaker B [00:44:46]:
Yes, no, like, I know countless paras. I know countless quads. I love all of them. They’re the.

Speaker A [00:44:51]:
Yeah. It doesn’t make a difference in terms of loving. It makes a difference in terms of function.

Speaker B [00:44:56]:
Yeah.

Speaker A [00:44:56]:
And what you can do or not.

Speaker B [00:44:57]:
It’s like, damn, I’m annoyed. Like, I wish I could, you know, transfer from, you know, transfer like that instead of two. And you know, I mean, look, I got hurt at 18. I was in possibly the best physical shape of my life.

Speaker A [00:45:11]:
So that’s huge. That’s huge.

Speaker B [00:45:13]:
You lose that. Like, I’m going to boast a little bit. I had very nice legs. I had a sweet six pack and I didn’t have a six pack. I’m lying. But nice. Yeah, close. Right there.

Speaker B [00:45:25]:
And you know, it was super strong and, you know, did everything on my own now, you know, I can can barely, you know, like sit up and you know, I get a roll to get out of bed and all that and it’s like, oh, like you see somebody else that has like a little bit more function, a little bit more this, little more, bit more that. And you’re like, damn, I wish that was me. And then you got into this whole big, you know, like, hole. And then, you know, it takes a lot to bring yourself out of that. And that’s where I mean, like, I’m super vocal about, like, mental health and everything.

Speaker A [00:45:56]:
Oh, me too. Me too. I just told people the other day on my stories what antidepressant I take. Like, I don’t care. Normalize morning Lexapro with your coffee. Like, normalize Xanax as needed. Yeah, like, normalize. Because I will say there’s so many reasons that people shy away from talking about mental health.

Speaker A [00:46:20]:
And I am just so giddy about this new generation. What are we on Z now or Gen Z?

Speaker B [00:46:26]:
I don’t even know.

Speaker A [00:46:27]:
I don’t even know. But I know it’s not my age people, it’s people a lot younger. And they are. They are kind of rejecting this idea of, like, mental health being this dark or, like, unsavory subject. And I think that’s really important. And I will say, too, I have recently started talking more about that on my page because, you know, the real reason why people don’t take better care of themselves after injury is because they’re depressed.

Speaker B [00:46:58]:
Yeah.

Speaker A [00:46:58]:
Because they’re anxious, because they. They’re so traumatized. And a million other things. Right. So it feels kind of, I don’t know, flighty or it feels. It feels sort of like, nonsensical to only talk about, which I did for a couple of years. Just talk about, like, what you should be eating and what you should be doing. And I am such a stickler for, like, scope of practice that I’m like, dude, I’m not a therapist.

Speaker A [00:47:25]:
I can’t talk about mental health. Like, I’m not a therapist. I get mad at people for talking about nutrition when they’re not dietitians. So I can’t go start talking about mental health.

Speaker B [00:47:33]:
No. And I think it’s.

Speaker A [00:47:34]:
But you can a little bit. You can a little bit. You can raise awareness.

Speaker B [00:47:38]:
It’s huge among, like, the younger generation of people with spinal cord injuries. Because I’ve had numerous young guys reach out to me and be like, hey, like, you know, like, I love your content, whatever, blah, blah, blah. And, you know, we try to strike up a conversation and they’re like, oh, yeah, like, I just sit inside all day, you know, sit around. I, you know, I’m not, you know, I just go to PT and go home and like, hey, that was me for the first year and a year and change. Like, I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want to go out. I didn’t want to, you know, and.

Speaker A [00:48:08]:
All of that is, I think, part of the process. Right. Like, everyone heals differently.

Speaker B [00:48:15]:
Exactly.

Speaker A [00:48:16]:
Everyone deals differently. And I have to say, like, from what I’ve heard, right, Because I didn’t know my husband until 10 years after his injury, so I don’t know what those first 10 years look like. I only have heard things. From what I can gather, there really wasn’t a lot of depression or anxiety or any of that until, like, 15 years post. And. Yes. Which is so interesting to me because I’m like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I’m like, wait.

Speaker B [00:48:45]:
You.

Speaker A [00:48:46]:
I’m like, wait, you almost died in a car accident. You gave up your, you know, your school, your career, and did something else. You. All these different things, and you never went to therapy? Like, are you kidding me? And he was like, no, I was, like, obsessed with business and being successful and becoming this and that. And guess what? It eventually does catch up with you.

Speaker B [00:49:10]:
Yeah.

Speaker A [00:49:10]:
Because for the first 10. And all of this is what a coping skill. Right.

Speaker B [00:49:15]:
It’s like.

Speaker A [00:49:15]:
A coping skill is, like, throw yourself into work. I actually just had a conversation with a client of mine who. She’s a paraplegic, and she has a big job that she said, you know, I would never date or anything. And I’m, like, so surprised because she’s always traveling, and she’s always, like, she. She has a very cool, interesting job. And so I’m like, why? And she was like, well, I just throw myself into work because that’s my safety zone. And I said, you know, I was like, you know, that’s your coping mechanism, right? And she was like, yeah, it’s also my trauma response. Like, what else is new? Like, I already know this, and, you know, I wonder, Ernest, like, is making a joke of it part of your coping?

Speaker B [00:49:54]:
1,000%. 1,000%. It’s. It’s really the only way I get through it. And that’s how I think it’s a.

Speaker A [00:50:01]:
I think it’s healthy. And because you’re doing both, it’s not like you’re making a joke of it. And that’s it. Like, you actually do go to therapy, too.

Speaker B [00:50:08]:
Yeah. And I. That’s really, honestly, like, how I try to connect with people that are not in wheelchairs or, you know, fully able bodies and, you know, even people on campus, like, I’ll make jokes, and people will laugh and be like, oh, he’s okay with it. Like, am I okay to laugh? And, like, I’ll laugh, too. The other day, I literally. I came in. Into the lobby of my dorm, and my friend was sitting behind the desk. And I was like, hey, what’s up? What’s going on? And then she was talking to this other person who was at the other side of the desk.

Speaker B [00:50:39]:
And she’s like, oh, I forget his name. Sorry if you see this. But she was like, oh, you have. Your shoes are so clean. Are they new? And I was like, no, I’ve had them for almost six months. I was like, they’re just clean because I don’t take steps. And she starts laughing. You know, we’re friends like that.

Speaker B [00:51:00]:
But the other guy started laughing, and I, like, looked up and I’m laughing at the same time. And he was like, you know, with it. And then, okay, like, he understand, like, he gets it, you know, like, it’s that type of person that just picks up like, oh, he’s comfortable with himself, you know, like, in that way.

Speaker A [00:51:17]:
And you know what, Ernest? I don’t think you’ll always be that way.

Speaker B [00:51:19]:
What do you mean?

Speaker A [00:51:20]:
I don’t think you’ll always do. I don’t think you’ll always need to be that way. I think that this is like your early. Oh, yeah, you know what I mean? Like, you. As you mature and as you, like, figure it out, I can see, like, I mean, you’ll still be you, right? You’ll still be you. But it’s like we, we. We change, you know, we adapt. I think that it’s really interesting to me because I never knew my husband in the beginning.

Speaker A [00:51:49]:
So, like, I don’t know, like, what the. From what I’ve heard, it’s quite different. And I don’t really know what that means, but I think confidence wise, right? To be a young man, like you said, in your prime, and then to have an injury first, to almost lose your life, right? Yeah. There’s that whole thing, and then there’s the loss of function. And everyone just takes that to mean like, oh, use a wheelchair. You can’t walk. But, like, that is, like, the least.

Speaker B [00:52:22]:
Of that’s like, yeah, I can’t cough correctly.

Speaker A [00:52:25]:
I can’t cough.

Speaker B [00:52:27]:
I get dizzy every time I sit up.

Speaker A [00:52:29]:
Like, yeah, yeah. Like, my blood pressure is.

Speaker B [00:52:32]:
I’m gonna piss up.

Speaker A [00:52:34]:
Yeah, I am gonna just take a salt tab right now because I’m about to faint. Right. And people don’t. People don’t know that. Right. It’s just kind of like. It presents as, like, a walking problem. But the truth is, it’s like that’s the only visible thing.

Speaker B [00:52:53]:
Exactly. It’s like, no, no, no. Like, every muscle below my collarbone.

Speaker A [00:52:57]:
Yeah. Every organ.

Speaker B [00:52:59]:
Every organ.

Speaker A [00:52:59]:
Every organ that I have is affected. My nervous system, you know, is a little different now. And. And that’s what I think, you know, people don’t understand. Understand about spinal cord injury. And you know, there is a fine line too. Like, do you need everybody to know that you’re got neurogenic bowel and bladder? Like, you don’t need everybody to know that. But I do think that all of that stuff really affects your, I mean, self esteem.

Speaker A [00:53:33]:
Right. And confidence.

Speaker B [00:53:35]:
It’s huge. Yeah.

Speaker A [00:53:36]:
Yeah. Like, how are you going to. Like you said, there’s a lot of people who are just kind of like. Yeah, just like sit inside.

Speaker B [00:53:44]:
Yeah.

Speaker A [00:53:45]:
You know, and that’s so sad, but it’s also so common.

Speaker B [00:53:49]:
It’s so. Yeah, that’s like what I’m trying to do with, you know, everything that I post, everything that I do. Like the other day, like I’m, you know, I’m now in a relationship. Didn’t expect.

Speaker A [00:53:59]:
Oh, are you okay? I did not know that.

Speaker B [00:54:01]:
You have to catch up. Come on.

Speaker A [00:54:03]:
I spit away. I wasn’t watching the tv.

Speaker B [00:54:06]:
Sorry. We’re in Mexico. I forgot.

Speaker A [00:54:08]:
I was, I was, I was, was trying to stay off my phone, but now I gotta go see. I bet she’s cute. We’ll see. So. So. So now you’re in a relationship. Oh, boy. Are you gonna share about that?

Speaker B [00:54:17]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So basically we, you know, she had would. The way we got in touch was she had been dming me for quite a while and I did not see it until one day I put something on my story and, you know, she responded and I was like, oh, like, you’re in Florida, whatnot. You know, like, let’s hang out and, you know, sort of met and, you know, went from there and basically like now, like, she’s super great, loves. She’s super eager to learn, be involved, you know, you know, and with time, you know, show more things that, you know.

Speaker A [00:54:54]:
Yeah. And with your comfort level too. Because that’s like a whole other part of the equation. Right. It’s like, I think a lot of people assume that the person who’s injured would love as much help as they could possibly get. And it’s like, is the partner willing? But in a lot of cases, like, my husband is now 45. Right. 20 years post injury.

Speaker A [00:55:19]:
We don’t have an aide, we don’t have like a caregiver. The conversation is coming up now of like, hey, would you. And it’s me asking, like, do you think it would be easier and A time saver for you to have a caregiver. And so that is a big, like, shift for somebody who I’m. You know, I tell Ray, like, he’s the most ablest person on earth. Like, he. He truly is. Like, he’s just, like, independence over everything.

Speaker A [00:55:56]:
I should.

Speaker B [00:55:57]:
That’s how I am.

Speaker A [00:55:59]:
Yeah.

Speaker B [00:55:59]:
Yeah. It’s like, even though I do have a character, I try to do everything myself. I’m like, hey, don’t help me. Like, if I drop something on the floor, I’m like, I’m going to pick it up.

Speaker A [00:56:07]:
Meanwhile, we’re like, let me get it. We don’t want you to fall out of your chair.

Speaker B [00:56:12]:
God damn it.

Speaker A [00:56:13]:
That’ll be even harder.

Speaker B [00:56:14]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s like, no, no, no. I got it. And so, like, that. That’s, like, my headset. You know, because I’m 21, I. You know, I’m trying to be like a. This macho guy.

Speaker A [00:56:25]:
Yes.

Speaker B [00:56:26]:
Even though I can’t, like, you know, sit up straight. But.

Speaker A [00:56:30]:
But this is good, though. I think that it’s good. I think especially. Listen, if you are a straight guy and you want to date girls, okay, you. There’s, like, so much going on in those. You know, they call them heteronormative relationships. I said that the other day to my client, and he was like, what the hell is that? I was like, you’re in one. You’re in one.

Speaker A [00:56:57]:
You have a girlfriend. You’re a guy. You’re in one. But I was saying, like, there’s so much, like, stuff that goes into that of, like, things that I don’t even know. But now I know because, like, he’s told me. He’s like, you don’t think I feel bad I don’t open the door for you?

Speaker B [00:57:15]:
Holy shit.

Speaker A [00:57:16]:
I have never thought of that in my life. Never in my life. Ten years of marriage, never once did I say or even think, I wish you could open the door for me.

Speaker B [00:57:28]:
No, hold the door for me. Yeah.

Speaker A [00:57:30]:
That is not in my mind.

Speaker B [00:57:33]:
Yeah. Like, that’s me now. Like, every time. You know, I’m always trying to be gentleman. Like, and we’ve only been dating for two months now. And I’m always like. I’m always like, no, no, no. Like, please go first.

Speaker B [00:57:43]:
Like, when the elevator door is open, she’ll be like. She’ll be like, I don’t know where I’m going. And I’m like, just. Just go out the door first. Like, please. Just so that.

Speaker A [00:57:51]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And those little things, I feel like, you don’t really know until you’re in those situations. Those situations. And, like, I mean, my husband will say his stubbornness to stay independent really served him mentally. Because, you know, when everyone’s different, you know, there’s a cultural thing, like, he’s Arabic. There’s like a whole thing, you know, with, like, talk about, like, being macho and masculine. I mean, it’s pretty toxic, to be honest, but it is what it is. It’s your DNA, right? It is what it is, but it’s like independence over everything.

Speaker A [00:58:27]:
I’m going to do it myself. I’ll do it. I’ll do it. I’ll handle it. And I. And I have to say, after 10 years now I can see how some of that stuff really impacts you in small ways all the time. So it’s like a constant, like a. It’s not like this one big bomb of something.

Speaker A [00:58:48]:
It’s like these little things, things that I never think of. Like, the door. Who cares about the door? You know? Or like your. You know, the elevator thing. So now it’s me, Ray, the kids. And now we’re like, the kids go first. And then he’s like, go. And I’m like, no.

Speaker A [00:59:05]:
And he’s like, why won’t you go? And I was like, because I literally have a fear of you running over my foot. Because you do it all the time. Because we’re never. Who should go first. It’s 10 years. It’s 10 years. He’s like, oh, my God, you’re so dramatic. How many times have I ran over your foot? I could only take once.

Speaker A [00:59:26]:
For me to now live in fear that this is going to happen. You know, I’m wearing sandals. What do you want? So, yeah, these little things work themselves out. Now I want to talk a little bit about the caregiver situation, a little selfishly, because we are. I don’t know where we’re at, to be honest. We’re having preliminary distress discussions because things that used to take, I don’t know, an hour, take twice as long.

Speaker B [00:59:50]:
Yeah.

Speaker A [00:59:51]:
And it’s like, okay, we had an experience in Mexico when we were in the hotel. And, like, my husband is independent with his bathroom stuff. Like, I don’t help him with that.

Speaker B [01:00:04]:
Yep.

Speaker A [01:00:05]:
This is neither right nor wrong. This is just a fact. My husband would rather not shower than have me help him. He would literally rather call the reception desk and get a stranger to come and help him. This is just the way that it is. Okay? It’s not good or bad. That’s right. He does not want me or any.

Speaker A [01:00:29]:
Like, in the past, like, he’s had girlfriends. He’s had, you know, fiance. Never. He would never. It would just be like, no, no, no, no. That’s a hard line for him.

Speaker B [01:00:41]:
Yeah.

Speaker A [01:00:41]:
Meanwhile, I don’t really have that hard line because I’m like, bro, I don’t want you to slip. I don’t want you to fall. Like, this bathroom is different. You know, the angle is different. We travel with a shower chair. And so there is a transfer from the wheelchair to the shower chair. Yeah. But the angle is off.

Speaker A [01:01:01]:
You know, it’s like a different thing. And so I’m like, yes. Yeah. And I’m literally like, oh, go. Like, I hope you’re okay.

Speaker B [01:01:09]:
I hope you’re like, let me just help you, please.

Speaker A [01:01:13]:
Let me just. Or let me just stand by.

Speaker B [01:01:15]:
Let me just stand by. Let me just put my foot here. Yeah.

Speaker A [01:01:18]:
I’m like, let me just spot you just in case. And it’s like, no, absolutely not. You are not going to do that. And so there has been discussion now of, like, maybe we could look for someone. And so do you mind sharing your experience? Experience of, like, having a caregiver? Like, is that something that you had from day one? Because I know my husband, when he was first injured and came home, that there was, like, a nurse, there was, like, some. Some. You know, there were people coming here to help him for, like, less than a year. And then that was it.

Speaker A [01:01:55]:
Like, he figured it out and was like, I’m done.

Speaker B [01:01:57]:
So, yeah, so I really. So I. When I first got hurt, you know, nurses, everything, they’re taking care of that in the hospital. And when it came time for them to be like, hey, like, once you leave, like, we can’t help you. Right? Like, we can give you all the resources, but we cannot, like, physically come help. And through the hospital. Not through the hospital. Sorry.

Speaker B [01:02:20]:
We were recommended by someone else who had worked with Warren. Say, like, hey, look, like, he works with people with spinal cord injuries. Like, he. You know, he’s very well knowledge in that field. Like, give it a shot. And so while I’m at pt, my parents are, you know, chatting with Lauren. And then, like, when I came back, you know, like, I’m introduced to him, and basically, right then and there, we were like, okay, like, great. Like, you know, this is the day we leave from the hospital.

Speaker B [01:02:51]:
Like, can you help us get out of the hospital, get where we’re staying and whatnot? And basically, like, the minute I left the hospital, he was with me until. Until now. And. Yeah.

Speaker A [01:03:04]:
And so is Warren like a patient care tech or like what is his job?

Speaker B [01:03:09]:
To be honest, no, he’s self employed.

Speaker A [01:03:13]:
No, I didn’t mean job. I mean. No, no, no, no training.

Speaker B [01:03:18]:
Yeah, no, he’s a nurse. I don’t. Oh, he’s a n. I don’t know if he’s an rn. I think I asked him this the other day and I don’t quite remember, so nobody quote me on that but.

Speaker A [01:03:28]:
Make a TikTok about it all about.

Speaker B [01:03:31]:
Yeah. And so. No, but he’s gone through nursing programs and has been with me ever since. And it’s like now I’m at the point where I never have really slowed down. I’m either always doing five days pt, I’ve got school, whatever, so I don’t have time to like really like sit down and practice everything. But I’m getting there because like everything, like, I’m sure I’m starting to work things out better. And so that’s kind of my goal is to. And no complaints with them at all.

Speaker B [01:04:07]:
Him and his staff, they’re the best. Like, they’re amazing. But like I’m at the point where like, yeah, I’m a 21 year old guy. Like, you know, I don’t want help with these things. You know, it’s like I kind of want my alone time. Like, you know, I need, I need my space. And so that’s like sort of where I’m getting at. And you know, eventually I’ll, I’ll get there, but I’m, you know, like for right now, like where I’m so busy and everything, like things are, I need, I’m on, you know, tight schedules, I need that help because it’s like If I have 30 minutes to get dressed and I’m trying to do it myself, like.

Speaker A [01:04:40]:
Yeah, no, it doesn’t take 30 minutes.

Speaker B [01:04:42]:
Yeah, it does take. Yeah. So it’s, it’s, it’s definitely a big help. But you know, for me, like in my philosophy it’s like, hey, like, you know, I don’t want help, you know.

Speaker A [01:04:55]:
So you don’t want help. But I, you know, once you can manage to do it on your own. Yeah. And you know what, here’s the other thing. Like you may, I don’t know like how many days a week they come or whatever. But like say, say it’s say you have somebody seven days a week, right. Maybe you could get certain things down where you only need someone to come four days a week or maybe, you know what I mean? Like there’s different things that you need help with. And, like, we’re just kind of.

Speaker A [01:05:22]:
We’re opening the discussion because my husband is real private, and he’s real. Just kind of like, the idea of someone coming in now, like, into our home, where it’s like, this is our bathroom. This is, like, our kids. Like, how is it going to work if it’s, like, Saturday and, like, the kids are home? And I’m just like, yes, okay. I don’t think of any of these things. Like, I don’t. He was like, what? You know, someone’s going to be walking in here. I’m like, you’re talking to the wrong person.

Speaker A [01:05:57]:
Like, I love support. You’re talking to the wrong person. Like.

Speaker B [01:06:02]:
And, yeah, like, Warren is literally, like, a part of my family now.

Speaker A [01:06:05]:
And I have heard this before.

Speaker B [01:06:08]:
And when I’m in public, I’ll literally call him dad, like, just to, like, mess around. Like, you know, I’ll be like. Like, you know, mess with people because he’s, like, wearing scrubs, you know, or.

Speaker A [01:06:17]:
Yeah, yeah, of course.

Speaker B [01:06:19]:
Stethoscope around, you know, like. Like, hey, dad, can you grab that off the top shelf or something? And people, like, turn and look, and we get the biggest laugh, like, when we get in the. In the van after. Oh, my God, it’s so funny.

Speaker A [01:06:31]:
But so speaking of van, Ernest, do you drive or is he. What? He driving?

Speaker B [01:06:35]:
No. So he’s driving me. It’s been really weird because, like, I didn’t have a permanent address here. Like, we were always moving. So, like, my residency is still technically back in New York, I think. You know, now.

Speaker A [01:06:48]:
You know what I feel like all through college, that’s what happens to all of us is, like, we never change our address because your dorm changes every year. So you’re just kind of like, yeah, I still live in New Jersey or wherever. You don’t really live there.

Speaker B [01:07:01]:
Yeah.

Speaker A [01:07:02]:
So you. So you have a wheelchair van?

Speaker B [01:07:04]:
So I have a wheelchair van, yes. But it has. The one that we have. Has the capability for me to be able to swap out the seat so that I would be able to, like, do the transfer and everything and. And ultimately get into the seat and do it myself.

Speaker A [01:07:22]:
The driver’s seat.

Speaker B [01:07:23]:
The driver’s seat. Yeah. It’s just been crazy to. To nail down, like, driving lessons because it’s, you know, not everybody in the world knows.

Speaker A [01:07:30]:
No. Adaptive driving. Yes. There’s, like, a special test. I know because I’ve had a number of clients get their license while they were working with me, and it’s so, you know, it’s a different process now. I think it’s a little bit harder because when my husband did it, he was like, yeah. I, like, took a certain amount of hours of training, and then, like, that was it. Like, I was good to go.

Speaker A [01:07:53]:
So that’s the other thing, too, that we’re kind of like, we need a different kind of car. Or at least I keep saying we need a different type of car.

Speaker B [01:08:00]:
Yeah. And I mean, like, look, it’s hard.

Speaker A [01:08:02]:
To transfer in and out of a seat from your chair into a sedan. I’m just like, you had your run. It’s time to try something easier.

Speaker B [01:08:12]:
But it’s hard and stuff I’ve come across, like, even now, and I mean, like, especially us with, you know, I don’t know, raise, function, you know, whatever. But, like, with us, we’re constantly, like, grinding on. You know, like, when we’re moving, our joints are constantly grinding. Like, you know, we’re wearing down everything by the minute. Every transfer you do, you’re losing some, you know, strength and whatnot. And so there’s, you know, conversions, there’s cars. I mean, you know, it’s expensive, but there’s things where you can, you know, if you have a pickup truck. I know a guy on my rugby team that has a lift that he transfers into the regular seat I’m using regular because, you know, Ray’s gonna love that.

Speaker A [01:08:51]:
Oh, yeah. Oh, he’s not driving any car in his chair. Absolutely not.

Speaker B [01:08:56]:
So with a pickup truck, he’s got a lift. He, you know, connects his manual wheelchair to it, and then it picks that up and puts it.

Speaker A [01:09:02]:
Yeah. To, like, a crane. It’s crazy.

Speaker B [01:09:05]:
Or there’s others that have, you know, they have, like, sort of like the gull wing door that opens up and the chair, the regular chair comes out. Or if it’s, you know, one where you keep your manual chair or whatever. Power chair, whatever that. And then it’s. The rest of the car is, you know, normal.

Speaker A [01:09:22]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Regular. Just the front part.

Speaker B [01:09:25]:
Yeah, the front part is a little different.

Speaker A [01:09:27]:
It’s a huge ego thing. You know, It’s a huge, huge, I think, jump to go from. Okay. I was injured, and he did have a van for a little while. I didn’t know him when he had the van, but it was, like, the first vehicle that he had. And it was like, you know, he tried to make it cool or whatever, but as soon as he could get into a regular car, he did. And I think, you know, you were talking about feeling comfortable and, like, being confident enough to, like, be out. I think that driving a nice car is.

Speaker A [01:10:01]:
I mean, you know, it’s. It’s helpful.

Speaker B [01:10:03]:
It’s honestly a power move when you see somebody in a wheelchair just get out of their car. Because, like, I’ll drop. Like, I’ll drop. I’ll drop the ramp, and, like, I’ll just roll out. And, like, people are like, did I just see that correctly?

Speaker A [01:10:15]:
Yeah. Yeah. Did that person just. Did that power chair just come out of that car? Yeah, exactly. And I think some of these, like, cool, adaptive, like you said, the gull wing doors. I saw that and, like, my jaw dropped. I was like, what? It just happened. That looks like so cool.

Speaker A [01:10:32]:
And of course, the first thing you said was, like, that’s not gonna open up in the garage. Like, that’s gonna smash your car. And I was like, okay, but we will figure it out.

Speaker B [01:10:40]:
So you get outside, and then I’ll drive.

Speaker A [01:10:42]:
I know, I know, I know. And it’s just kind of like grasping to, like. Like you had said, you know, because you had such supportive, you know, family and friends and everything that, like, you could still be you. I think that there is an aspect of, like, there are things in my life that just feel me. And so, like, having to change that, you know, is like another loss. It’s like another. Like, oh, now you want me to have a van, and you want me to get a caregiver, and you want. And I almost feel like Ernest having those things in the beginning is.

Speaker A [01:11:17]:
I don’t want to say better because it’s like everyone’s different. Everybody’s situation, everybody’s different, but. But it normalizes it quicker so that it doesn’t feel like, oh, now I have to do this. It’s like you did that in the beginning when everything was. So you get used to it quicker. You know what I’m saying? For sure.

Speaker B [01:11:39]:
Yeah.

Speaker A [01:11:39]:
And I think that as, like I said, as you get older and, like, your personality, I mean, you’re mature, but we just change, right? Like, when I was 20, when I was your age, I mean, it was a dumb.

Speaker B [01:11:53]:
We won’t get into that.

Speaker A [01:11:55]:
We won’t get into that. But even, like, the difference from 30 to 40 and the difference from, you know, like, all these things. And I will say there is a maturity I see in my young spinal cord injury clients. Listen, I worked at a college for five years as a dietitian. There’s just night and day. Like, I can’t even like talking to you as a 21 year old. I have done nutrition counseling with plenty of able bodied 21 year olds. I can’t even compare the two because you are so much more like, I don’t know, what is the word? It must be maturity.

Speaker A [01:12:38]:
I mean, kind of.

Speaker B [01:12:39]:
Thank you.

Speaker A [01:12:40]:
Kind of like the bad kind, like the kind that you earn by going through stuff, you know, it makes you deep, it makes you empathetic, it makes you, I mean, how many 21 year olds do you think get on social media and show their life so that they can help other people?

Speaker B [01:12:59]:
Probably not a lot.

Speaker A [01:13:00]:
No, like, and I just, I know a couple.

Speaker B [01:13:04]:
I know a couple.

Speaker A [01:13:04]:
A couple. Yeah, sure, a couple. But the vast majority of young people who are on social media, they’re not on there to like really connect with people and potentially help them. Like they’re usually on there for likes, comments, you know, views and, and they’re on there to like flex about random stuff like I’m at this place or I’m at this and blah, blah, blah. And I think that, you know, there’s room for everybody, right? Everybody can do whatever they want on social media. But it’s actually very, very nice for me to see because like I said, I didn’t know my husband when he was young, young and a quad. So it’s like kind of fun to see young people in their wheelchairs. I have a past client who is, I don’t know if she’s a para or a quad, I forget.

Speaker A [01:13:57]:
But she was away at college when I worked with her and like we talked about her bowels the whole time because she was like, I’m doing my bowel program in a dorm. Like, I got stuff to do, I got this to do. And that was like two years ago now. I saw her on this amazing European vacation on social media and I just was like, see, that’s like, I want to see that. I want to see you go on spring break with your friends in your wheelchair. I want to see you go out to dinner, I want to see your cute girlfriend. I want to see, you know, I want to see all that stuff. I think that it’s.

Speaker B [01:14:33]:
No, trust me. And I feel like everybody in sort of, not necessarily my situation, but everyone young, sort of like me. And you know, whether you’re, you know, same disability, different disability, whatever. I feel like it definitely takes a minute for us to then get to that point to be like, oh, okay, like, like we can, we can do some, we can have some fun.

Speaker A [01:14:53]:
I have to say you’ve gotten there very quickly. Why do you think you’ve gotten there so quickly because I’m going to be honest with you, talk to a lot of young, depressed wheelchair users, young, middle, aged, older. Like, that’s why I’ve been posting about mental health so much. Because I’m like, oh my God, it’s the freaking elephant in the room.

Speaker B [01:15:14]:
No, and I mean the elephant in the room.

Speaker A [01:15:16]:
You can’t talk about healthy living, healthy eating, healthy anything. When people like you said, I stay home and sit inside. That is the reality for so many people.

Speaker B [01:15:26]:
No. And to be honest, I don’t want to, like, brag about myself. And that’s really not like my goal here. But I don’t know, I used to be an athlete, so I was always, you know, like, I was always regimented, always, you know, at practice on time and, you know, really just always hard working and always had to put 100% of the effort every day for, you know, 365 days. And really just something sort of clicked in me one day. And, you know, with talking with my therapist, we really just came up with ways to, you know, apply that to now. And I mean, even if therapy is not your thing, you know, it has to be.

Speaker A [01:16:07]:
No, don’t even say that. Nobody’s thing. Everybody has to go. This is my new platform. Go to therapy.

Speaker B [01:16:16]:
I was getting there. But when, even if, like, you think it’s not your thing, like, I don’t like talking about my feelings or whatnot. Like, I’ve talked to plenty of guys that are like, that’s. They have me talking to one, but I don’t really like it. Like, just keep with it. Or even if you’re not talking right now, go talk to somebody because it just helps no matter what. Like, they’re not going to sit there and hold your hand. They’re going to tell you, like, look, like, you should be doing this, you should be doing that.

Speaker B [01:16:41]:
Like, you know, what’s the problem? Really? Like, what’s the. Why are you holding back? And that works for me, you know, it doesn’t work for everybody.

Speaker A [01:16:49]:
There’s different, you know, there’s different types of therapy too, you know, and I have to say, my husband tried a couple of them in the past and just like, wasn’t into it. Like, just was like, this is ridiculous, I’m not doing this. And now has someone that he really likes and, like, looks forward to talking to. And it’s just been like a night and day difference in the past couple of months. And I think that whether it hits you right away, like, the feelings of, like, I Don’t know. I think it’s very interesting that you said that you were an athlete and all of this stuff, because so many people that I talk to were also athletes, and that actually made it worse for them or they say. They say that it’s worse because I was like, at the top of my game, I was an athlete. And now adaptive exercise, just like, they sort of look down on it because they’re used to.

Speaker B [01:17:47]:
Yeah, squatting, you’re used to bicep curls. You know, you’re used to all of that. And it’s.

Speaker A [01:17:54]:
And now it’s like, here’s some resistance bands.

Speaker B [01:17:58]:
Here is. You know, and we’re gonna sit at the edge of the mat and hold it for five seconds. Like, what am I doing? Really?

Speaker A [01:18:05]:
I know.

Speaker B [01:18:06]:
It’s. It’s really just like, you have to put forward the effort because if you don’t, like, you’re not going to go anywhere. You should. You have to honestly stop sitting around for the cure, because the cure is not going to happen. And they’re not going to take. They’re not going to take you. If you have any comorbidities from sitting around all the time, pressure sores, whatnot they want.

Speaker A [01:18:25]:
Say that again. Say that again. You’re waiting for the cure. Listen, people, we have AI we have different things. We’ve got the neural link. I don’t know what’s going to happen. We have epidural stimulation implants.

Speaker B [01:18:42]:
Oh, yeah. Hey, Miami. Miami’s Miami.

Speaker A [01:18:45]:
I know. You don’t have to tell me. My husband is 1.0, so he had the FES implants from Cleveland. So I married Batman. He literally has, you know, bat tools. Like, you push the button and it. And it literally can make your leg go up and down. He has FES implants in his body.

Speaker A [01:19:07]:
So, like, different muscle groups are attached to little stimulators, and you turn them on. So it’s like glutes, hams, then. Oh, glutes and hams was first. And then he had a second surgery and they did lower back abs. I mean, it doesn’t give you a six pack, but it does not. I know, I know. But it’s okay. It keeps your muscles, though, working and firing and the epidural stimulus, and that’s next level.

Speaker A [01:19:36]:
I have heard amazing results from some of my clients who do either the external epidural stim or a bunch of them started getting the implants in Kentucky. And so that, to me, is the most exciting thing. I mean, you can say whatever about the stem cells. Yes, we banked our kids cord blood and all this. Yeah, whatever. And every year the bill comes and it’s like 500 bucks. And my husband’s like, this is bullshit. And I’m like, you better pay.

Speaker A [01:20:08]:
He’s like, it’s not going to be stem cells. And he did.

Speaker B [01:20:12]:
He did.

Speaker A [01:20:13]:
He did do stem cells in China many years ago. Like, he has done a lot of stuff. But you’re right. You want to be a contender for these things. You cannot be overweight. You have to be. They’re going to put you through the wringer of psychological tests. They’re going to put you through the wringer of physical tests.

Speaker A [01:20:35]:
If you have high cholesterol, if you have low blood pressure, if you’ve had, you know, pressure sores, they are not going to take you. And so that is. That is such a good point. You should make a TikTok about that. Be like, while I wait for the cure, guess I’m just going to eat my salad, swear. Because that’s so true. That’s so true. And I will say, I think that somewhere between 10 and 15 years post injury, somewhere in there, I think my husband came to the realization that it wasn’t going to happen for him somewhere between 10 and 15.

Speaker A [01:21:15]:
But at 10, it wasn’t that way. At 10, it was like, no, no, no, there’s going to be something. Like, nah, nah, nah, there’s going to be something. And now at 20, it’s like, there will be something. And it won’t be for me because I’ll have been injured for this many years.

Speaker B [01:21:30]:
And that’s the unfortunate reality.

Speaker A [01:21:31]:
And that is unfortunate. You never know, however, you really never know. I am a woman of science. I think that there is going to be stuff, but we’re not going to spend our time. Yeah. So I’m going to let you go because I know you’re a busy guy now. You have to make all these new TikToks with all these. With all these ideas.

Speaker A [01:21:54]:
What would be your. Because I have a lot of people. Obviously, everyone who listens to this podcast is someone who’s disabled. You want more disabled people on the TikTok and on the gram?

Speaker B [01:22:03]:
Yeah, sure. Honestly, like, I love talking to whoever will listen.

Speaker A [01:22:08]:
Yeah. Yeah. So do you think that. Do you think it’s been a positive experience for you to get yourself out there? I know you have to take breaks. I know. And I’m sure. I’m sure we won’t even get into. I’m sure people say some stupid stuff sometimes.

Speaker A [01:22:22]:
I’m sure. That they do. They say some stupid stuff to me. And you can. You can say it doesn’t bother me because blah, blah, they’re just miserable. No, it’s. It’s. You can try, but it does hurt my feelings sometimes.

Speaker B [01:22:35]:
Yeah, no, no, no. I’ve definitely gotten stuff like, you know, if I’m out with my girlfriend or something, you know, like, it happens, you know, whatever. But I will say that it’s sort of just my mindset. It’s like, look, like I. The only thing is that if, like, if I know you and you say a joke or something, sometimes deep down, like, hey, that hurts because I know you. Right? Like, I know you. But, like, I’ve made it clear, like, with my friends, like, you are more than welcome to joke because, like, I know, like, where you’re coming from.

Speaker A [01:23:06]:
Yes. You know, they come with a pure heart.

Speaker B [01:23:08]:
Yeah. But if it’s like, if you’re like somebody like I met in high school when I was like, 14, 15, and then you. You go and say something like, you know, say something to me even though, like, you’ve seen my TikToks and you see that I’m making jokes. Like, that does not sit well.

Speaker A [01:23:26]:
No, no.

Speaker B [01:23:27]:
And. And then even online, like, I’ll read my comments. Like, you know, they’re honestly, like, some of them are pretty good. Like, I’m not going to lie. But, like, such a good attitude, though. But, like, they’re online. Like, I don’t know you. I don’t.

Speaker A [01:23:40]:
I don’t know you.

Speaker B [01:23:40]:
Yeah, whatever. I don’t know, like, it doesn’t matter.

Speaker A [01:23:44]:
It doesn’t matter. And, you know, I think also, like, we focus on the two mean comments. Meanwhile, you’ll have hundreds of nice comments and you’ll just be like, yeah, yeah, sure, sure, yeah, yeah. And then you see those two mean comments and you’re just like, oh, my God, I need. You know, like, the world is. The world is a bad place. But I have. I have to say, I think that I wish especially.

Speaker A [01:24:10]:
And this is coming from, like, a mom place too. Right. It’s nice to like, raise kids in a world now where you just sort of. You’re flipping through a kid’s book. It has nothing to do with disability. I’m not talking about, like, Timmy’s new wheelchair. No, that was like, very 80s, you know, where they would, like, have a book about an issue. Now it’s like, oh, my God.

Speaker A [01:24:35]:
Now it’s like a book about, I don’t know, a class trip or something. And one kid will Be in a wheelchair. And no, there’s no mention of it. There’s no mention of it. It’s just. He’s just a supporting character, you know, Or.

Speaker B [01:24:49]:
Exactly.

Speaker A [01:24:50]:
Just, like, normalizing stuff. Or like, on Nickelodeon, you’ll see, like, some show and there’s, like, some random character who uses the wheelchair. There’s a Paw Patrol guy who uses a wheelchair, which I. Yes. And I’ve tried so hard to get my children to be interested in that particular character.

Speaker B [01:25:11]:
That’s so funny.

Speaker A [01:25:12]:
They do not care. I’m like, the worst. I’m like, look at that Barbie. She’s a para skier.

Speaker B [01:25:17]:
They’re like, look at the wheelchair. Like, how neat is that? Daddy’s on tv.

Speaker A [01:25:24]:
It’s so funny because it’s like, what you really should do is pay zero attention because that’s normalizing. Normalizing is when you don’t really draw attention to it. But I just. I can’t resist. I can’t help myself. I can’t help myself. I’m like, look, that dog. That dog.

Speaker A [01:25:42]:
That police dog is using a wheelchair. Just like. Yeah, I don’t like. I like the fireman or whatever. Like, they just do their own thing.

Speaker B [01:25:50]:
So.

Speaker A [01:25:51]:
But it’s nice to. Now that we are living in this world where, like, social media is everywhere. The kid’s gonna have an iPhone when he. I don’t know, 10. I don’t even know what are the rules. Yeah, I don’t know. My son’s turning seven now. He asked me for a video game, and I was like, absolutely not.

Speaker A [01:26:06]:
So I come from a place of no when it comes to the tech, but eventually they’re gonna see all these things, and it’s just like, oh, yeah, skins. There’s an ad for someone who’s using a wheelchair. Oh, hot dog cart. He’s just randomly funny on the Internet. Just like all the other hundred funny, random people that I follow on the Internet. So it’s. It’s nice. I love.

Speaker A [01:26:29]:
I reached out to you to do this because I have a lot of young people that reach out that are just. They’re not in a good place.

Speaker B [01:26:36]:
Oh, yeah.

Speaker A [01:26:37]:
They’re not in a good place. They’re not taking care of themselves. They. They do not know what life could look like because I think they see stuff that’s so far out, aspirational. And, you know, I make the joke all the time. Like, in this disability space, it seems like the two options are you’re depressed and lonely and you live in a basement, or, oh, and you’re broke. Right? Always. That’s the trope is like, you’re depressed, you’re broke, you have no prospects, no one loves you.

Speaker A [01:27:07]:
You know, that’s one. And then on the other, you are a beautiful, handsome, whatever, para athlete who is climbing Kilimanjaro. Like, those are the two that we have. So seeing you and Warren and doing your funny dances on the TikTok really makes my day.

Speaker B [01:27:24]:
Thank you. No, I really appreciate it. And I love getting to know you. And the thing is, the reason why I know who you are was because my occupational therapist from the rehab down here mentioned your cookbook.

Speaker A [01:27:40]:
Oh, my God, that’s so funny.

Speaker B [01:27:41]:
She was like, I absolutely love this woman because you need to buy her cookbook.

Speaker A [01:27:48]:
That’s so sweet.

Speaker B [01:27:49]:
And I’m like, okay, yeah, so I bought your book a while ago. And then my sister, one day, I don’t know, probably like last summer or something, she was like, oh, like, do you know who this woman is? And I’m like, I follow her on everything. I was like, I literally know who she is.

Speaker A [01:28:06]:
I am very flattered. I’m not as funny as you. I’m not as funny as you. I’m just usually like, this is what we had.

Speaker B [01:28:11]:
No, trust me. I love it. I love it. You’re the best. You’re the best.

Speaker A [01:28:15]:
Awesome. Thank you so much, Ernest. I hope that if you’re listening to this, that you. You feel kind of like a little more free, a little more open. I know a lot of you have those private Instagram and TikTok accounts, and you just like to post for your friends and your family, but you know what? I think that taking up some space, not just physically in the world, but in the interwebs or whatever the kids are calling it these days, I think it’s important, you know, it’s where a lot of people go to relax, to be entertained, and just to connect. Right? And so. And so show yourselves. You know, start showing off.

Speaker A [01:28:47]:
Show us your. Your Lamborghini doors, you know, show us your new ramp. I want to see your adaptive fork. I want to see it all.

Speaker B [01:28:56]:
But if anybody has any questions or anything, reach out. Ernest is there. Would love it.

Speaker A [01:29:02]:
He’s on TikTok at hot dog cart, and that’s with two T’s. And you’re also on Instagram at your regular. Just your name. Yeah, yeah. Which is Ernest. Patty. And of course, you can look all that up in the show notes. Thank you so much, Ernest.

Speaker A [01:29:15]:
I hope you have a great rest of your day.

Speaker B [01:29:18]:
Thank you. You too.

Speaker A [01:29:19]:
That’s our episode for today. Thanks for listening. I hope you enjoyed it and that you learned something new. Remember, if you want to lose weight with paralysis, improve your bowel health and feel your best you can. It’s possible, you just have to change your eating habits. If you need inspiration on how to get started, check out The Paralysis Nutrition Cookbook 101 Recipes to Help you lose weight and improve bowel health. The Cookbook cookbook comes with a bonus 30 day meal plan and is the perfect way to start eating healthier. You can find it online at paralysisnutrition.com cookbook I’ll talk to you again soon.